Hellboy Sense... Tingling!

Face it, moviegoers of Summer '08: You've had a comic book nut of epic proportions busted on your face.
I'm sorry if that's not the most eloquent or kid-friendly of ways to start up my review of "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army," but man... "Iron Man", "Hulk", "Hancock", "Wanted" all in about two months, and now "Hellboy"? Am I even gonna be in the mood for "Dark Knight"? (The answer is yes.)
I have yet to review a movie on this blog not either superhero-related or based on a comic. I'm not complaining, per se, but it wasn't my intention. I'm going to have to pop out a "Wall-E" review like Jamie Lynn Spears pops out babies if I want to keep my self-esteem high.
But let's not talk about the future now. Let's talk about Hellboy, our favorite demonic hero, and his latest excursion into film made possible by Guillermo del Toro (best read aloud in a thick Hispanic accent).
Del Toro, who has apparently paid the media to have the word "visionary" attached to his title of Director, is probably best known nowadays for the astoundingly creepy and beautiful "Pan's Labyrinth," which came out in 2006, two years after the first "Hellboy" installment slipped by under mainstream radar.
Based on Mike Mignola's series of comics, the film introduced us to the eponymous red-hued hero (played to virtual perfection by Ron Perlman), who was discovered by U.S. forces in WWII and has become a paranormal investigator working for the government. Alongside his fish-man friend Abe Sapien (Doug Jones) and fiery hot (tee-hee) girlfriend Liz Sherman (Selma Blair), he travels the world, finding the weird.
"The Golden Army" tells the story of the exiled Elf Prince Nuada, who is obsessed with reclaiming the world for his kind by breaking a truce long forgotten by men and taking control of the 4900 unbeatable mechanical soldiers which uphold it. To do this, Nuada has to get the three separated pieces of a crown which grant its wearer command of the army.
Luckily for the world of men, he's got Hellboy and the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD) hot on his tail. When Hellboy is exposed to a not-so-adoring public, however, he begins to have doubts about whether or not he belongs in the world of men.
With the help of Nuada's twin sister Nuala, who wants to avert the war, Hellboy and his crew do their best to foil the bloodthirsty elf (those words just don't go together). But under the command of new agent Johann Krauss, a very German ectoplasmic spirit in a containment suit who does things by the book, tensions begin to arise, giving our half-horned hero even more doubts. But when it comes down to it, he does the right thing.
We know there wouldn't be a movie if Nuada didn't eventually get his hands on that crown, but luckily Hellboy can solve most problems with a big fist and a bigger gun, and in the end go home happy.
That's not to say there isn't more drama packed into the two-hour film. There's a love subplot between Abe and the elf princess, Hellboy dies and is revived at one point, there's even a pregnacy and relationship woes in the mix... and there's enough action and humor to pack a dump truck.
But here comes the hard part...
It just isn't all that thrilling. Sure, it has action, and humor, and action, and some character development, and some more action, but there isn't anything very inventive in the plot that warrants much mention. Worse, it feels like we've seen it all before. For such an unorthodox hero, I'd hoped I wouldn't be as bored as I was.
The same can't be said for the special effects, though. If you've seen "Pan's Labyrinth," you know the creature effects made that film what it was. So del Toro and the creative minds behind "The Golden Army" were guaranteed not to disappoint in that department.
But they went above and beyond anything I expected, delivering crazy new visual and creative treats in practically every shot. Just to list a few, there's a swarm of terrifying "Tooth Fairies," evil little insect-like things that eat your teeth...first; there's a troll market hidden under the Brooklyn Bridge that looks like the cantina in Star Wars kicked up about seven notches; there's the God-awful creepy Angel of Death with rows of yellow eyes on its wings; there's a towering stone body which rises from the ground; there's a fight with a forest God that bleeds vegetation; and of course there's the titular army itself... the list goes on.
"The Golden Army" is a visual treat above all else, and I appreciate it even more because it appears many of the effects were done without the abundant CGI which plagues modern movies. It's worth seeing for that reason alone, and the movies few touching and humorous moments help. It has its weak points, but when there's a "Hellboy 3," I'll be in line.

Grade: A-